This is Big Brown, Would David and Nick Please Come to the Diary Room

And so on this fateful night, Britain took another leaf out of the USA’s books, and televised a live political debate between the three main protagonists vying for Number 10.

But as so often proves with British politics, it was a typically dull affair, lacking fireworks or the pantomime applause so often generated over the pond.

Ringmaster Alistair Stewart, who claimed in the lead up to the debate that he would ensure it wouldn’t be boring, admittedly, didn’t help the show.

Whenever things looked like spicing up, the leaders speaking over each other in desperation to make their point heard, Stewart turned a potential Madras into a tentatively mild Korma by interrupting mid-flow and diverting the debate onto another subject or onto another of the trio.

Stewart wasn’t needed, and neither were the questions from the audience. All you really needed was a middle class supermarket shelve stacker to scream ‘the economy’s screwed, sort it’ and they’d have been talking for longer than a pair of grannies discussing cross-stitching.

Stewart was merely a middleman, a Jerry Springer figure, the conductor of an orchestra that wasn't in tune.

Springer’s bodyguards weren’t needed here; Stewart was the dam in a river, nothing was allowed to go past him.

For what it’s worth, Nick Clegg the Liberal Democrat leader, so often in the towering shadows of Gordon Brown and David Cameron came off best, and it was particularly noticeable that with every response he was the only one to look directly into the camera, as if he had been studying body language and realised the importance of direct eye contact when engaging with your subject.

But as so often proves with the media, he was afforded the least time on camera. That, or Labour has gone all China on my Internet feed and censored any coverage that may not be of any benefit to them.
On the Labour subject, we all know what to expect, Brown didn’t disappoint and was his usual charismatic self. Oh wait I didn’t mean charismatic did I?

Cameron was most disappointing, almost trying to come off as too charming, dishing out compliments to the audience that stank of almost desperation to be liked, like a schoolboy on his first day trying to befriend the whole playground.

But even if Stewart hadn’t been there I fear the show still may have failed to been the circus that we see in the States.

Which is why the reality TV approach should have been taken.

First of all the debate should have been staged on a far greater scale than a studio in Manchester, they would have been far better off staging it at Old Trafford. Get them in front of 70,000 people rather than a paltry 200. Being in front of live TV cameras isn’t going to faze them at all, lets face it these fellows lead their lives with the scrutiny of cameras ever present. They probably know the intricacies of a TV camera better than their own wives.

They will have never stood up in front of 70,000 people before and expected to perform, but that is exactly what they have to do in order to win votes.

You’ve got a screaming crowd, you’ve got atmosphere, you’ve got 30 million watching at home, the leaders will be sweating under the spotlights. Why not make them sweat even harder by installing a Britain’s Got Talent style cross-board over their heads, or as suggested by someone on Twitter, a Noel Edmonds House Party-style gunge machine to humiliate the least impressive candidate.

Or even as another suggested, get them to stage a political ‘It’s a Knock Out’ much like the Royals did, but with much more at stake.

It’d certainly win them more friends, just look what ‘Have I Got News For You’ did for Boris Johnson. There’s no way he would have become Mayor of London had he not presented that show.

But I think that’s the real point here, get them working, and we’ll find out which one is most like us, and ultimately, that’s who we’ll vote for.